I’m tired. My legs always ache after work. I miss my family. I miss my friends. and I miss my boyfriend. I’m lonely here. I didn’t want to leave New York when I saw my Filipino friends. I wanted to tell them, “Please don’t leave New York, may I stay with you guys? I’ll just work where you guys are working.”
I always try to look for something here.. something that would make me remember home and the people I love. I try as much as possible to go online and wait for everyone on skype or if not, facebook. I miss home.. I want to go home…
Its so hard waiting..
Aside from being sick and tired of the place and the state I’m staying at, I’m very upset, scared, and furious. Half of me thinks that I’m getting insane..
I remember those days, when I told myself.. I’ll only be in a relationship if I see myself marrying this person. Why is that? Because I don’t want to waste my time, and energy for nothing in the end. I’m quite hopeless romantic in a sense that to avoid such, I decided years ago to stop my heart from beating, from falling in love.. why? Because it is not necessary.. it is not a necessity.. and it will only make me weak. But after years of protecting myself.. I fell in love with someone.. and honestly, this fact breaks my heart. I never thought it would hurt this much. I thought I’m matured enough that I’ll be able to handle it on my own. I thought I could maintain my composure on everything.. I thought I would be able to control my feelings.. Maybe I’m too naive that my way of thinking is too traditional. Maybe.. just saying.. I want to protect myself again by probably being… I don’t know..
Oh God, my God… Please hold and protect my heart..
Help me endure whatever it is that causes me pain. Let your grace be upon me that I may trust fully to You my Lord without any hesitation. Lord, I know for a fact that I am not worthy to even ask you anything for I am nothing. But God, I need you so much.
HOLD ME ALWAYS MY LORD GOD.
In my life, let your will be done.
yes, of course. pwede umiyak.
you’ll feel better. keep asking why you feel the way you do, like why lang ng why, and then in the end you’ll come up with a simple, bearable truth and then it won’t hurt anymore. keep fighting ikay. you were always the strong one.
loves,
your secret admayrer lol
My dearest friend,
I miss you, more than words can say. Tears are proof of emotions, but NEVER proof of weakness.
Growing up in a filipino culture has its pros and cons – just like everything else in this world. Pro? You get love, affection, hospitability, and can stay with family till forever. Con? This kind of mentality teaches you to be forever dependent on these people, and you wont know what to do when they’re gone.
You got an opportunity of a lifetime: to be in another environment, to learn, to apply what you learned, to explore a different culture, environment, and to learn that independence.
I feel for you, I really do. And I know that you’re having a hard time there being alone without anyone to spoil you. But in reality? It’s part of the whole “independent” process. It’s painful and tiring cause you’re not used to it. No one who grew up here probably is. And though I feel for you, I also know that it’s good for you..
I miss you. I miss your company, your most random calls, your kind words, your “too honest” words lol, and just catching up with you. But the best part of your situation is that you know IT ISN’T PERMANENT. You know you’re coming back eh. Umiyak ka kung never ka na babalik dito.. diba? Smile, love. Stay the strong person you are.
Romans 8:28, Philippians 3:14.
I am and will always be here for you. I love you.
You know who I am already.